Until I'm okay...

I saw you today... after 2 long months. Every emotion, every memory, everything I forced myself to forget rushed back.
I went back a year. It's like nothing has ever happened. You were here.

It was normal.

You were comfortable. You were happy.
I miss you. I miss you so much.

I broke down. All day of fighting the tears I finally let them slip through.
I don't feel alive, but I'm not dead either. I'm locked in this cage and you're running away with the key. It's fine for one moment and there I go... watching you walk out the door yet again.


I want to hold you in my arms until they go numb, it's that smile of yours that makes me melt, it's the way you look at me that kills me, I want to feel your hand intertwine with mine, I want to kiss you until the sun rises... I want you to come home.

I'm too weak to do this...

Was I out of line?

3 hours of sleep and a hangover from hell.
I made a fool of myself once again. I hate arguing with you. I realized that it wasn't me you wanted to be with.
The dreams are starting to come back. I secretly enjoy them. It's the only way to feel close to you.
My heart aches more than I could ever imagined it could.
Everything else is numb.
You are killing every part of me, inch by inch...

I face the fact that I'm just fine... I said that I'm just fine

My mind took a 180 turn.
My sleeping patterns are off.
I have strange eating habits.
Walking down unknown streets intoxicated wasn't my idea of a wake up call.
I have forced myself to forget.
Everything of you. Everything of I. Everything of us.
Everything.
I forgot what it felt like to be close to someone. I forgot what it was like being close to you.
I'm getting used to being alone, but I sit here and try to figure out what is missing.
I have forced myself to be strong. Tonight I walked in the room where you stole my innocence and immediately had a flash back. Two tears escaped. I wiped them away and forgot it even happened.

If I'm lonely and in need of company from the opposite sex wouldn't it be easy to just find someone?
It seems pretty logical...
Except I don't want to be with anyone but you.
I miss you so much that I'm not sure if I could miss you anymore than I already do.
You have ripped my heart out, brutally murdered it and threw it into the ocean. I'm too weak to go out and find it.

... it's time to come home baby.