On a bed of nails, I wait.

I still see you around the house.
I hear your voice echoing inside my head.
This heartache seems too long... am I ever going to go to bed?

Everywhere I look you're around me... and I try my hardest to convince myself that you're gone. I sit and stare at my bedroom door, afraid to walk in. The sun is about to rise and I still haven't ended my night. I lay down and stare at where you lay. I cannot hear your heartbeat beating with mine. Same routine every night.
I stay up waiting for something I know isn't going to happen.
I stay up longer... hoping it will.
I wait.
I finally have to courage to let my body rest.
My mind is going a million miles per hour.
I forgot what it was like being close to you....

I lay down and imagine you're with me. I imagine you looking at me, touching me, smiling at me. I consume harmful substances to forget about you. I consume them so I can black out, and not have nightmares of you.
You made me feel whole. Now I feel like half of me is missing, and I'm still trying to function.
I'm familiar to the stages and phases... it's happened before. The only thing different this time is that it hurts more, and I'm expecting the phases.

Stage one: Crying, crying, and crying some more. Appetite is gone.
Stage two: Carelessness. Using alcohol and drugs as a sleeping aid and a way to function without you by my side. Appetite is still gone.
Stage three: Anger and revenge. Trying to find love and comfort in another companion... which turns into regret and hurt. Hunger arrives.
Stage four: Quitting everything important. School, work, family, friends.. etc. Hunger fades.
Stage five: Depression and loneliness. My appetite and social life fade away. I hide from everything and everyone.
Stage six: Weakness starts to kick in. I am now unmotivated.
Stage seven, eight, nine and ten will happen within the next year.
I'm at stage five.

All I want is to be next to you. Anything of you. I want to be surrounded by you. All of you.


I miss you. I will keep missing you.