Condolence

The air froze, the trees stand still. A slight breeze and theres nothing left to say. As if there was no sound, no movement, the rain drops to the ground. Gray clouds fill the sky, I've never seen anything so perfect, you said that you wish it was summer. The window fills up with fog, as I exhale. My cold hands touch the window, it's as if you were there. I close my eyes, drops of rain slide down the petals of a flower. Sunlight fills up the room for a brief second, then it becomes dark. My feet become numb, I told you forever... do you remember?

Do you see me?

It was raining. It's been about ten months, you were getting something out of your car and I ran out into the street, I started to dance.

It was crystal clear.
I got up, the numbness of my left foot, I stumble to the next room. I sit back down, my lips are chapped. The alarm clock is blinking, I unplugged it again. My walls are bare, a few shelves and some nails. I lay down. I put my legs up against the wall, my head falls to the curve of the bed. The world is upside down. A few minutes later my head feels heavy and my legs are now completely numb. I pull myself up and peak out the blinds, I think of something I did a few months ago. I pull the string and the blinds lift up. As my breath blows against the window, I saw what we once were.


I need to clean my windows. I roll up my sleeves and take a drink of my coffee, it's cold. The only thing I hear is the keys pressing down as I type this, the water running in the next room, the heater blowing warm air, and some birds chirping outside. Three empty water bottles and some mix cds. You never told me the truth. What would you say if I told you...

I hate you.

For one day, this day, my world is quiet. I think, the thoughts in my mind get louder and louder and it gets to the point where it feels like screaming and it's harder to understand what I'm even thinking about. I try to explain but my words start to trail off and everything starts to disappear. I stand there, they forgot who I am. I walked away, I was invisible. I was invincible. I told her how much it hurt when he was gone, I told her how much it... she understood. I finally let something go, I felt relieved that someone was there. I'm alone, and she doesn't trust me. She doesn't believe me. I tell her I'm sorry, she walks out. I walk into the next room, I shut the door. I turn on the hot water, and turn the middle nob. I take off my clothes and step in. I wet my hair and then sit down. The warm water hitting my naked body as I curl up like a helpless child. I watch as the drops of water hit my skin, and slide down the parts of my body. I watch how the water drips from my hair, onto my arm, down to my legs, to the bottom, and into the drain. I don't know how much time has passed, I don't know which parts of water on my skin are tears, or shower water. Remember when we kissed? Our bodies wet, the shampoo fell on your head. I laughed, and held your body against mine.
I turn up the music, and forget about everything that ever mattered.