4:50 AM-
Time to wake up again. The darkness fills up the house; I turn the bathroom light on and jump in the shower.
Two hours later I'm staring out the window from the bus. I sit in the same seat everyday, stare at the same trees and roads everyday.
Same classes and same people. I walk the halls and get trampled and bumped into, but I don't hear or feel a thing. Girls and boys talking about who's dating who and what they're wearing for the dance the following weekend.
3:00 PM- Work
I swear I'm going to shove an ice cream cone up the next costumers ass if they show another peevish frown. Organizing salt and pepper packets because I rather not wipe down the counter for the 50th time in a row.
Iodized Salt
Pepper
Iodized Salt
Pepper
Pepper
Iodized Salt
Iodized Salt
Iodized Salt
Pepper
Salt
Pepper
Pepper
Salt!
Salt!
Salt!
"Have a nice day."
I can't tell if my smiles are real when a costumer leaves or approaches anymore.
I think they're fake.
"What can I get for you today?" *Fake smile
Another acrimonious answer. Don't get me wrong, having a job is great. I'm even lucky to have this job in the first place, but some things about it are far from preposterous. I know I'm a bit ireful about it- but I have my reasons to be.
Creepy guy walking out carrying a twelve pack of cheap beer- stop staring at my tits.
7:55 PM- Closing
Thank GOD and lets put away my till. I made it through another routine. He's standing by the ice freezers. I clock out and make my way towards him. We walk to his car in the freezing cold and I light up a cigarette. I take a drink of whatever liquid I left in there 5 hours before. I ask him what he did that day and he asks me how my day was. Same. Always the same. We pack our bags and head towards the freeway.
Lights
Dark
Action?
Music takes my mind off of everything. I daydream and have no intention of looking at the surroundings of the city we just passed. A night out of town. But still... I've seen and done this before.
AM:PM- Me
I have turned into a angry, bitter, and spiteful person. What the hell happened.
A question I cannot seem to answer. My conclusions?
I either know the answer and am too afraid of the answer; therefor ignore it.
I shoved away something that I need to deal with... but again, I'm just afraid to.
I think that's as far as I've gotten.
I changed my hair and pierced my belly, lost my innocence and felt unwanted.
Those are changes. I still do not have many friends, I reject anyone trying to be mine. I have absolutely NO hobbies. I have myself, my work, my education, my boyfriend whom I treat like a piece of dog shit that's been laying out for a few days.
I guess I'll just light up another cigarette and sleep on it.
